My family went to Florida last year in twenty-seventeen for Christmas. I made the conscious decision not to go for many reasons. A couple days after they had left I had a severe anxiety attack. Severe anxiety is like a phobia or your body going into fight or flight For those who know your brain is like a horror movie. Nothing makes sense you get completely irrational thoughts. Suicidal thoughts are the worst. You start questioning every step you take. I am on the ninth floor in a Condo. At times I have felt as if someone or something is pulling me to jump.
I smoke out on my balcony and even if I am slightly anxious about something personal this thought doesn’t even enter my mind!
Honestly I thought I wouldn’t miss my family at Christmas. Well...fuck me it showed me something deep and dark inside me that I wasn’t even conscious of. I was at home when the anxiety hit me so I called 911 the police showed up with distress nurse. (Please if you are planning or thinking of suicide call 911 or a helpline.) You can find help, it is out there you, we are all vulnerable. It takes courage to acknowledge it!!!