Well, isn’t this ducky. Once again sitting going to make dinner and then plunk my ass down in front of the TV to watch “Supernatural” on Netflix! I just find it so hard to find friends now. Especially when I am not out in the work force. It makes it doubly hard to just sitting in a coffee shop with earphones on. I would not take time to write my journal/book. However I have not worked since I was 25 or 26 that’s 11 or 12 years. I don’t even have a a solid resume, although I never really worked in an office so I don’t have the office experience. Anyway its always been a struggle for me no matter what friends or no friends I have. I mean I do have plans and have come far since a couple years ago, but that stupid Ego keeps telling me I am no good. There are many, many people much worse off then I am, yet I cannot see this. I was depressed last night when I started this, so I feel a little more optimistic. I still cannot shake this loneliness and feeling pathetic. I know its just a big fat lie my head is telling me. This is exactly my problem. It’s always been a shadow that follows me around. Depression and anxiety kill me sometimes, literally of course. I can get to this point where you cannot take it anymore. To a point I can understand the theory their brain tells them that no one would miss them, but by this time it is to late. I have fortunately never gotten to this point. Never planning how I am going to do it. I will be honest I have thought about it many, many times, but there are many people that would really miss me. They keep me pushing through the shitty life I feel I have. I look around and see my friends married and have girlfriends or baby(s) and I feel so alone. Maybe this is my destiny, I don’t fucking know. It’s a shitty one that’s for sure. I am sitting here in the coffee shop waiting to see my therapist, wondering if I should print this out and read it to her.